Five years ago when my husband and I began looking for our first house, I remember it was a night mare. As we went from house to house, it felt like we wouldn’t find a place to agree on. Out came out our differences and the ANGRY feelings in the whole process, I remember our realtor (Jason Heffron for those of you wanting an awesome one) told us – ‘yep, house hunting can be like going through marital counseling’. I couldn’t agree more! Although, it was more like marriage crisis without the support of a therapist.
Well fast forward to today and we have successfully bought our second home, have a daughter and are still married.
So how did we survive the brutal task of finding a house without destroying our marriage?
First the ugly; because we weren’t prepared the first time around, we actually failed so to speak. We found a house that we both liked after MANY that we did not. Then we put in our offer and offer money, differences came up again and we backed out. This left us feeling frustrated, resentful and confused.
The second time around were were much more successful. One of the things we did to keep our sanity is to talk about the primary things that were important to us in advance. For example, by this time we had the chance to discuss and share our emotions and come up with the list that was important for us. For me, having a house was important to save money long term and to make a financial investment. I made sure my husband understood this and was on board about this BEFORE looking for the house. We also had other things about the actual house that we agreed upon before looking. When we finally found a house that we bought as our 1st home, both of us were primarily satisfied and we had much less arguments over small things.
The third time was a charm, we decided to move again.
WE HAD LEARNT OUR LESSON.
Again we knew 3-4 items that were the priority and the rest made it much simpler to find one.
If you are house hunting with your partner, write down each persons 2 top most important things and then go and check the houses.
Don’t let house hunting destroy your marriage!
Musarat Yusufali LCSW is a holistic healer and marriage mender in Austin, TX. She loves working with couples that want to take their relationship to the next level. If you have a question about relationships, send her an email: info@mindbodysoultherapy.com or connect via instagram: www.instagram.com/musaratyusufali
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