Last week I talked about my honeymoon.
This week I want to share with you my first year of marriage.
That was almost 9 years ago. In October 2010 we got married.
I remember the first year I screamed at my husband, a blood curling scream that it felt like someone else from inside of me was screaming. I was so shocked by my own anger, I felt that couldn’t have been me. And it was for something so ridiculous, now when I look back. He was killing a bug with something that I wouldn’t have used.
I began studying about Dialectical Behavior Therapy as well as diving more into Interpersonal Neurobiology around the same time. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I began learning about DBT skills and I started applying them in my life.
I started learning about the brain and began understanding myself and my husband more.
Validation was a key piece of what helped me. I kept learning and practicing. Yes I would make several mistakes, however, I kept trying and not giving up.
We were both ineffective at fighting. He would withdraw and I would pursue him. We both fell under the typical relationship dance – one partner becomes the turtle (hides in their shell) and the other becomes the thunder (goes after the turtle). And the fight escalates. The tension increases. Nothing gets resolved.
I kept at it, I kept telling myself in my head – use validation. It was a mantra I kept telling myself. And over time, I got better at it and it started working.
We began talking more. He opened up more.
It took time, AND at the same time we both loved each other and here we are today much happier and more connected.
I know the skills I learnt and practiced had an impact on me. My faith and determination was also very important in helping us stay together.
One more thing that’s important about my journey: YES it changed our relationship AND it made a HUGE impact on me as a person.
If you’re ready to take your soul out of emotional stress and into peace and joy, reach out; I’m here to answer your questions and get you going.